I often wonder if I really know how to pray. After almost 50 years of pastoral ministry, reading books on prayer, teaching on prayer, seeing what the Bible has to say about prayer, and using a plethora of prayer ‘formulas,’ I’m not sure if I know how to pray.
I genuinely want to consistently connect with God through prayer. I have had seasons of sitting in silence, listening for his still small voice. I have marched, religiously, through prayer formulas offered by prayer experts. There have been many times I believed God stirred my heart.
I believe God has spoken to me. His voice has, at times, been clear. In most cases, however, it has been murky. A bit like trying to discern what someone may be saying to you underwater. It resulted in personal doubt that I was really hearing from the God of the Universe.
The sense of ‘not sure’ resulted in me taking minimal action. I’d rather do nothing, saying it was God, than to act irrationally, or running off the rails. I am not sure I have ever been confident to declare, “Thus saith the Lord.” Such a declaration seems a bit pompous.
I have never been one to bombard the heavens in prayer. The kind where you continually plead with God for what it is you are imploring from him. I have tended toward the kind of prayer that Elisha prayed when asking God to reveal himself to the prophets of Baal (I Kings 18:36-37). It was short, simple, to the point, and effective.
I am not sure I have ever pleaded with God. I have asked him on multiple occasions for something, but really not pleaded.
My right eye was impacted by a virus several years ago. The result is blurred vision. I have been taking a daily dose of one eye drop, and one pill that is designed to keep the virus at bay. If the virus is allowed to expand its influence uninhibited there is an excellent chance that I could lose sight in that eye. I have prayed for the virus to be eradicated. I have had very strong prayer warriors lay hands on and pray for me. The result is… I still have blurring version in my right eye.
It is my perspective that God is well aware of my eye. I believe he knows I’d prefer a good right eye. I don’t believe I need to regularly remind him. I believe deeply he could heal me. If he has not chosen to act, he must have a good reason for it. He is not obligated to explain it to me. My faith in his healing power and my relationship with him is not dependent on me having a good right eye.
I have seldom invested hours in prayer. I know many have, but this has not been my story. I am not sure if I simply don’t know how. I don’t want to learn. Or I view it as unnecessary. Regardless, I have not done this on a regular basis.
This is indicative of my thought process on prayer. Is my theology of prayer? Maybe. God knows the situations. He knows my heart. He will answer in his time…whatever that time may be.
This is where my “theology” of prayer may kick in. Prayer is a continuous awareness of God’s presence. It is knowing that he is always present, always available, always in every nook and cranny of my life. It is the awareness of his continual presence that informs my prayer life.
Could be I simply do not know how to pray. Could be I think I just need to be comfortable with my prayer style. If praying is hearing from God and processing and acting on what I have understood, then my prayer life is fine. Maybe…I guess…oh boy!