I entered the world of Pappy (the name my grandkids call me) for the first time on February 4, 2009. I still vividly recall that day. I, along with a multitude of others, where in my daughter’s delivery room. We were gathered, friends, family, and some strangers (at least I didn’t recognize them) awaiting the birth of this miniature person.
We all stood around chatting, munching on bagels and sipping coffee on one side of the room. On the other side of the room my daughter, Megan, her husband Drew, and Joni (who would become known as Mama), were handling the build up to the delivery. Or, as some might call it, the hell before the delight. Lots of pain, sweating, pushing, maybe a little swearing (that could have been me when I dropped my bagel cream cheese side down on the floor, but who really knows), etc….
When the time came for the final big push I hurried over to the battle zone. I was right there when our first grandchild, Brody, emerged into the world. His little head slid out with his body quickly following. His eyes popped open wide, and he looked right at his mom. His expression seemed to be one of ‘Tada! I’m here.’ Unforgettable!
In the succeeding months and years we added Eli, Tennley, Chloe, Lyla, Myles, Brielle, and, most recently, Rowen. I love that they all the grandkids are different with interests that vary. They all make me laugh. I enjoy our conversations. I just like watching and listening to them.
As with parenting, there is no school for grand parenting. Mama and I never have developed a grand plan. We just knew we wanted to be close to them and as involved as we could. We are blessed that we continue to have close connections with our Adult kids and this flows into our relationship with our grandkids.
I recently was exposed to an organization called The Legacy Coalition (https://legacycoalition.com). This wonderful group of grandparents provide resources, encouragement, and connections to help their peers intentionally invest in their grandkids. I recommend you check them out.
In my connection with the Legacy Coalition it got me to thinking about what Joni and I do, intentionally, to leave a legacy to our grandkids. I realized we do three things pretty regularly. They are not over the top. They probably aren’t much different than what other grandparents do. We are finding they work for us.
PRESENCE: We do all we can to be present at what they do. This could be showing up at their sporting events, recitals, or even a ten minute award ceremony at their schools. We want them to see us. We want to communicate to them that they mean so much that we will show up at their stuff. This is a primary reason I will be retiring in July 2023. The oldest two are entering High School the fall of my retirement. I don’t want work to interfere with my ability to be present.
AVAILABILITY: We are very fortunate. Four of our eight grandkids are within 4 miles of us. The other four live in Scottsdale, AZ. And in the world of Southwest Airlines that is an easy hop from Sacramento. Most school days, Joni will transport our Sacramento elementary grandkids to and from school. With both set of parents working full time this is helpful to moms and dads and gives us time with the grandkids. I have Ubered kids to sports practices and dentist appointments. In most cases, one or both of us can be available at short notice.
EXPERIENCES: We have hosted grandkid “Olympics,” taken them to the local water park, and impromptu trips to yogurt. One of the greatest experiences we did was with the older four several years ago. On Christmas we gave them each a piggy bank. We told them, over the next year, every three months we would match the money they had saved. We told them there was two strings attached. When we counted their money, and after we matched it, they had to tithe and save 10%. The other 80% was for them and their parents to decide how it might be used. We felt it taught them saving, interest on their funds, tithing, and being responsible through savings. It was a fun and expensive year.
Presence, availability, and experiences. Bottom line for us: We want to create triggers that, when we are no longer here, they will say to each other, “Do you remember when Pappy and Mama did…”