Seeing kindness and niceness as contrasting is a bit unsettling. Each are often seen as two sides of the same coin. Nice people are kind. Kind people are nice. This, intuitively, seems the case. Yet the counter intuitive may be in play. And there is research to indicate this.
Mahfuz Ahmed, in an article appearing on fastcompany.com, identified key differences between the two. “Kind leadership is defined by our research as creating a culture of taking concrete action to help others, addressing a person’s need, regardless of tone, and giving permission for real success and failure. Niceness, by contrast, typically centers on pleasing others and being polite so as not to offend.”
A kind leader does what’s necessary to achieve end results through addressing needs. A nice leader simply works from appeasement. They are unwilling to ruffle feathers preferring instead to help people feel good.
A kind leader will correct someone under their responsibility to help them do better. This may not appear nice on the surface, but it is kind. It is kind because the leader has the person’s best interest in mind. Kindness cares about the individual without a compromise of standards. Niceness will allow things to slide in order not to appear heavy handed.
A kind leader will confront issues head on. A nice leader will avoid topics that need addressing. A kind leader will make sure expectations are maintained. A nice leader will be vague about expectations. Vagueness allows for people to nuance what is being missed in conduct or competency.
I have a principle I encourage the leaders I work with to practice. I tell them they need to be “kind, but clear.” Clarity is essential in leading well. You can be be clear without being unkind. Tell it like it is, how it is, and what needs to change. This ought to be done with a kind spirit and a heart to see the individual improve.
A nice leader may be liked, but a kind leader is respected. You need to choose. Will you be kind or nice?