John D. Rockefeller said, “The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.” Rockefeller understood that getting along with people is critical to effectiveness in both the work space and life. Leadership is, ultimately, about relationships.
Relationships are built on getting to know others. And the lock that opens the door to relationships is friendliness. It is true that some people are naturally friendly. It is also true that anyone can learn to cultivate a friendly approach to others.
Art Markman in his article, “Four Habits of Especially Friendly People,” posted on fastcompany.com, reveals their habits that can become our habits. “Fortunately,” Markman says, “you can develop new habits to be more friendly.”
Initiate engagements: We have all heard that to have a friend you need to be a friend. Such an initiation is as simple as introducing yourself to someone else. Your conversation should not be focused on unearthing the deep secrets of others, or revealing your own. It is simply a time to get to know someone.
Accept awkwardness: This awkwardness is often built on your perception that you may do something wrong, or unintentionally phrased something in an offensive manner. When you recognize that you may, indeed, feel awkward you should live in that. Try not to allow this to impede your conversational initiative.
Bring energy: This is not to suggest that you become the energizer bunny, but it is a factor of enthusiasm. I know that I often think energy is a product of quick speaking and loud talking. This is typically over the top. “If you greet someone with a smile and bring some energy and enthusiasm to the discussion, you are likely to be greeted with energy and a smile.”
Reserve judgement: Many people you need to be friendly toward are co-workers, neighbors, or acquaintances at church. Some of these folks you maybe had a bumpy relationship with. Try to have a short memory of such interactions and still be willing to initiate friendliness.
My wife is outstanding at friendliness. She is quick to introduce herself to others. As a result she has developed friendships with many at her gym, the park she takes our grandkids to after school, and other social settings.
One of my all time favorite things she does is at church. When she sees a new face to her, she never greets them with, “Is this your first time here?” Instead she says, “Hi, my name is Joni, I have not yet had the opportunity to meet you.” And the conversation builds from there.
In leadership you will not be friends with everyone, but you can be friendly to all.